What Passes all Understanding
by Wild as the Wind Is
Summary: Some part of me has always thought I was insane for leaving the life I knew, yet never wanted.  The one thing I did know about her, was that she was filling my heart already. -Jasper. How did Jasper feel when he met Alice? Hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

**Summery said it all. Alice and Jasper meeting and how they got to be so in love and so intuned to each other. Hope you like it. :)**

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><p>Look in my eyes, and you will see a ghost. Look at my body, you will see a monster. Look in my heart, you will see a soul, however broken, but still there. <em>Beating<em>. Not phisically, but in the sence that I will never be at peace. A _dead_ beating in my chest. Mocking me. _Killing_ me from the inside, if you will. Sensing the fear and cold anger still trapped inside. Still killing. Still trying to stop it with will alone has done me no good.

It will be forever like this. I will spend eternity in a self-created hell, but the irony is that I have no control over it. I had nothiing to help me survive my day's ahead.

The burning in my throat was persistant, like it too, was angry. Not to mention that I knew I could end the pain by simply snapping the fragle neck of one of these humans around me.

I was scared of these humans, these fragile humans I was amugst. I could rip there throats, snap there necks and they would never feel one thing. I could _mutilate_ them.

But they could do so much more to me.

They taunted me, relentlessly with there pumping heart. These humans would never know the power they had, but there sent is so rich. But I'm here, trying to fight.

I would say I hated what I had become, but I felt as if I had been this way forever.

I've tried not hunting, starving myself. But the pain builded until I couldn't do anything but feed. Simply passing by a human's sent made my thoat More pain...guilt. But as I destroyed the human's life, I felt their terror and fear as it poured into me like the blood did. Nothing I did made a difference. There was nothing for me too do.

I wasn't a soldier in the army of the Confederacy, I haven't been one for decades. I wasn't Maria's second in command, I never wanted to be that again. Was I now normal? I chuckled at the irony of even the question. I wasn't even a _normal_ vampire, I was never that.

Why try anymore? Perhaps my soul was never at rest in the first place, and will never be in the future. I never even remembered a time when I felt happy. _Me, happy? _ I had felt other people's joy and content emotions, but they had never been created by my soul, or my heart.

I couldn't keep doing this. I had to find another way. Their _had_ to be a better way. That's why I left Peter and Charlotte in the first place...

I suppose I had forever to try...didn't I?

This is what we were built for and created to do. _To kill humans_. That was our only source of food.

Why was I created this way? _Why_ was it that everyone else could feed without being tortoured? Without being afraid, or terrified of nothing. I had nothing to be afraid of, except when I got hungry. When a human looked in my cold, black eyes with tears streaming down there face...

In Philadelphia, not many people wondered the streets tonight. The hard rain was still continuting. I spotted a small diner as I walked down the street.

_There shouldn't be many people in there._ I tried to convince myself. I couldn't keep walking outside like the cold and rain didn't affect me. But if I went inside...I would massacre the entire place.

I decided to take the risk. _I'm hungry anyway_. I thought malicously._ Maybe I could cause such a problem the Volturi would come to end my misery._

As I walked in, the smell of the dry humans hit me like a wall. The rain outside deluted their smell, but in here, the air circulating hitting me with their scent's over and over again. I held my breath and grimanced. I knew I would have to stay in this cage of temptaiont until the rain stopped or at least slowed down so I could walk throught without being noticed.

But the feeling in the room, it was...exciting. I didn't understand how a human could feel such strong emotions. What could be happening that a mere human could feel something this powerful. Humans were very careless with there feelings, if only they knew how they could effect a person.

But suddenly, I senced another presence in the room, one of my own kind.

I heard a small gasp over by the It wasn't hard to spot her. She turned around on the stool and hopped off gracefully as soon as I had walked in. Almost as if she expected me.

She glided toward me, I tensed. A vampire, this tiny women had approached me and was...smiling?

She was petite. She looked so small and _fragile._ Her perfect eyebrows arched wide from excitment. Her pitch black, spiky hair seemed to reach out in every direction, making her look even more dainty. Her smooth, pail face seemed so understanding and light-hearted. Her emotions were beautiful to me, I soaked them in gratefully, I haven't felt joy like this in my entire life. Even if she was here to kill me, I felt happy. I would die a grateful man, happy to die and escape the life I no longer wished to live. Yet, she had the strangest golden eyes that sparkled with peace and wonderous excitement. She danced toward me with a tinge of satifaction lingering in her feelings.

She radiated_ beauty_...

I was suddenly nervous. Surly she wouldn't try to attack me in here. I wasn't willing to fight her. Maybe she saw me as a threat to her territory? I didn't know another one of my kind was even near this area...

But the most strange thing about this odd creature is that she felt something so marvelous I couldn't bear to understand it. I couldn't fully take in all her happieness. Her awe and joy put together. It consumed everything within me, all malice and fury in my heart, I felt all anger slip away. Like pooring water on a blazing fire, nothing but smoke as proof that it existed.

She wouldn't attack me. I knew it, I could_ feel_ it in what little piece of a soul I had left.

She spoke to me, this angel spoke to me as if I were allowed to talk to a women with such grace and beauty. I wasn't worth her time.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." She smiled with a small chuckle in her words. She and a _voice_ of an angel that matched the personality I was trying to keep with in my memory bank. No hint of malice or revenge. Her voice sounded like bells, beautiful suprano, jingling bells.

I had never met her before. I know that for certain. I would have remembered seeing this one.

My southern roots took hold, me being in the presence of a lady, a _gorgeous_ one at that. I took my hat off and ducked my head slightly. "I'm sorry mam." Still completely confused.

But at the sound of my voice, it reasurred her confidence even more. Her face glowed as she beamed at me.

How could someone so tiny be so happy? She didn't even know me, and if she did, she wouldn't want to see me again. Who would? She must be mistaking me for someone else, as if I could be mistaken for another.

I stood their, still in awe, when she put out her hand for me to take.

My own thoughts screamed to hold onto it before I knew what to do at such a...gentle gesture. What did I have to loose? I didn't even have to answer the question. By simply being around her for one more second, I felt as if I could gain everything.

I felt a tingle surge up my arm once I placed my hand in her own, tiny hand. With the phisical touch, her emotions spiked to even a higher leval of bliss. Her hand was so smooth compared to mine,

I would follow her anywhere. I would do_ anything_ to be around someone so free. So lovely...

I didn't know who she was, or why she was here. But I knew from her feelings, from her smile. There was _something_ about her... I had to know her story, why she thought her and I had met before. I didn't even know her name. _Anything to be near her._

_She may not even be real. _ Part of me, the reasonable part said. A women like her_ couldn't_ be real.

I was terribly lonely. Her feelings alone seemed to fill something inside of me that I had never known how to fill. My sanity perhaps. Some part of me has always thought I was insane for leaving the life I knew yet never wanted. The one thing I did know about her was that she was filling my heart already.

Because of her, this stranger or simply a figment of my imagination. For the first time in almost a century...

I felt hope.

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><p><strong>I know I can't do it real justice. But maybe I create a good picture for you. :)<strong>

**Please tell me what you thought. I really love any feed back from anyone. :)**

**Thank you! ~Wild as the Wind Is**


	2. Chapter 2 AN

**(A/N) **

**Hello everyone! Sorry, this isn't an update. I have a question for all of you who have read this and would LOVE some feedback! :)**

**I'm not sure if I should continue this story, there are so many like this out there. Part of me feels like I should keep it like this, just a one shot and leave the rest for the imagination. The other part feels like this one shot has too much potential to just leave it like that. Alice and Jasper's beginning (not to mention their relationship) has always been so wonderful too me, and I know I can't do it enough justice.**

**What do you think? Should I go on? Would it make the story better?**

**It's up to you! Please help me decide! I would love any feedback or anyone who has any thoughts on this!**

**While I'm writing an authors note, I want to say thank you to anyone who is reading this story just from searching, or has me on favorites, authors list or alerts! You guys are amazing readers! Thank you! :)**

**Wild as the Wind Is**


	3. Chapter 3

**I was so happy ya'll wanted me to continue this! I know I'm extremely behind. Better late than never right? As I said last chapter, I know I can't do it real justice. This story, in my opinion, is remarkable. I'm going to start gushing about it, so I'll stop. (: **

** So here we are, without further adue, chapter 2! (That rhymed...I am so proud of myself!)**

**Merry Christmas Eve by the way! Hehe. (: Happy holiday's everyone!**

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><p>I could have stayed their forever, simply looking at her. Enjoying this emotion that came from her. I smiled at her without thinking. She seem to understand and smiled back at me. I was having such a hard time believing that she knew me. Even if she did, why would she want to talk to me?<p>

I was afraid to ask; I was afraid to mess this moment up. I let my eyes leave her face to look at her hand in mine. I had never before held something so precious in my possesion before. I grasped her hand tighter without thinking of the consequences. Alice looked down at my hand with hers, and let her thumb stroke my tainted skin.

Why did she seem so at ease? I couldn't remember a person who had ever been so comfortable with being around me, especially at first. Not even Peter and Charlotte seem to have this connection she had to me.

Not that I blamed anyone, _just look at me. _My body screamed _stay away. _To the human eye, I must still look inviting, I saw glances in my direction everywhere I went. To anyone else, however, my skin was a warning_. _ I wasn't the easiest person to be around by anyone's standards. I knew that my power made relationships difficult for others, and my power made relationships difficult for me as well.

So what did she see in me?

She turned, still holding my hand, and sat down with me in the empty booth next to the window. She sat across from me and let our hands rest together on the table in between us. She had a carefree way about her that I noticed immeadiately. She was so gentle in every move she made, and walked with a light bounce in her step.

"What's your name?" I asked, now desperately curious to know as much about her as she seemed to know about me.

"Alice. My name is Alice." She said. "Now, I know you must be very confused, but you have to let me explain..." Her voice drifted off when I looked up at her.

_Alice..._

_This isn't right. _

_You can't trust her. You don't know her. She could be working for someone. She could be a trap. This could be a lie._

Even as thoughts like these pounded in my head. Alice broke the rules I had set so firmly in my memory. She was the complete opposite of anyone I had ever met. I didn't care that it could be a trap or that she didn't mean what she said. Before this, I had to consider what other people wanted, what they needed from me. What Maria wanted was territory and the war that came with it. In gaining that you loose everything that matters. Relationships broke and never held as much meaning as what you could get out of it. This women alone was everything I wanted to become, and I had only just met her.

"Please," I begged, not wanting to confuse her any longer. "You have me confused with someone else. I'm not who you think I am, I've never met you before." I refused to allow myself to lead someone like her on, to let her believe she knew me when it was clear, she couldn't have known me. I already knew that it would be the sharpest memory I would have in my past if we had ever crossed paths, and we had, sadly, never met before.

Her emotion's, in a sense, skipped a beat, reaching a new level of urgency. She shook her head softly, her eyes wide and sincere.

"I've been waiting for you. I have the power to see the future, just like you can minpulate emotions."

"So, you saw me coming here today?"

That did explain a few things. I was still overwhelmingly confused, but the questions I had could wait. Although her golden eyes were not the strangest thing about her, they still mystified me. Without thinking, I stared at her, getting transfixed in her gaze. I had never seen a more honest look on someone's face, and I knew it was a look I would get lost in if I wasn't careful.

Looking toward the window, Alice smiled. "It stopped raining. Are you ready to go?"

I nodded. The smell was almost unbearable inside. Although extremely distracted _and_ attracted by her, my thirst was and always has been a priority. I just didn't know how to control it because I never needed to until now.

When we got outside, I realized I had no idea where we were going or where she would lead us. I searched the area, making sure it was safe. It was a habit, and with her around, trusting _me_ of all people, I knew she would need protection.

"Where did you come from?" I asked, meaning it in many more ways than one.

"Mississippi. I don't remember being human, but I suppose I was changed in 1920, because that's when I woke up." Alice said as we walked side by side with one of her hands in mine and the other resting on my arm.

"You don't remember human life at all?"

"No, it's all black. My first memory I have is my vision of you."

I listened, and knew that when she said that, it meant everything to her. Seeing me that night shaped her into what she was now, I was apart of Alice without even laying eyes on her until now.

I did know where she was taking us. To be honest, I didn't really care. I felt like she was an angel that had showed up without warning and I would follow her anywhere as long as Alice wanted me to stay. The idea that she wanted me around, that Alice offered her hand to me. I was in awe of her, and I felt her obliviousness to that fact.

We walked into the hotel and the humans, for the second time that day, engluffed my senses. Every movement, every heart beat, every sound they made was like an invitation to slaughter. The only thing I had any other recognition of was Alice's hand in mine. It was the only thing keeping me from drinking every single person's blood.

I could hear Alice breathing, slowly and deliberately as to keep control. I was astounded by her resilience and jealousy rose up in me automatically. I had been holding my breath since we entered the room, because if I had done any differently I would have lost control just looking at them.

I focused on her instead of the aching in my throat.

_Try Jasper, fight it._

_For once, try for someone else._

She looked over at me, as if sensing my internal struggle. The look in her eyes captivated me. I allowed myself to fall into her gaze, to get a grasp on her reasurring feelings. I allowed myself to soak everything about her in. People walked around us as we stared. Their heart's became backround noise as I looked at Alice.

_Find the connection she has had with you without even seeing you face to face. _

_Memorize her._

For those precious moments, I knew what I was feeling was something that I had never felt in myself or in another person.

I was happy, but something more than happy. It was more than a feeling. I was creating that emotion and sensing it in her as well. It was the connection, but it wasn't that simple. I couldn't describe it in any other way. It was hope but even stronger...something more.

I'm not sure how long we stood there, but in my mind nothing else mattered.

I wanted to feel this leval of happiness all the time, and with Alice anywhere near me, I knew that I would.

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><p><strong>This might be the second to last chapter. I'm not sure I'm good enough to write more than this. What do you think? I'm like Jasper, I need reasurrece haha. <strong>

**I really enjoyed writing this. I love them so much as a couple. Gah. Gushing again. Stopping now. **

**Tell me what you think? Anyone's thoughts are invaluable to me. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I never thought I would add to this story, but I keep getting ideas! Thanks for the encouragement in your reviews, it means the world. I know it's been awhile, but I'm going to try and update more regularly. **

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><p>She didn't let go of my hand until she had to find the key for the hotel room.<p>

"How long do you stay in one place?"

"Depends on how much I'm noticed. Now that I found you, everything changes." She said excitedly.

She opened the door, and I followed her into the spotless hotel room. Her sent filled the living area, and I was grateful for it. It had been a close call in the lobby, too close to ignore.

"I have some clothes for you. I hope their the right size..." Her face crinkled in worry, and I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Maybe after we hunt." I said pathetically.

"You think you'll have to go tonight?" She asked. I nodded, knowing there was no option.

As Alice sat down on the couch, I reminded myself that I couldn't be blinded by her. Her being, her foreign emotions, beauty, or bright golden eyes. Alice was beautiful and strange, and I wanted her to not be the latter. I wanted her know her and I wanted to be beautiful with her. Yet I remained in my position, and stayed standing as she opened a map on the coffee table.

She looked up at me, her eyes wide and jet black hair framing her face. She tapped on the empty section of the couch and laughed lightly. "Sit down with me! I need to show you something."

I didn't pause, I followed her orders and sat down with her. She was so tiny, comparatively speaking and not. She curled up on her side of the couch and then turned so that her back was resting on my arm. I tensed, as if my whole arm was on fire. Being so close to her and her back resting on me made me realize that my entire life had been dedicated to destroying people and their lives that were anywhere around me...and I hated myself for it.

She turned her head, and her soprano voice spoke rationally. "You can relax. I'm not going to hurt you."

I met her eyes and allowed myself to memorize her features. She was everything I wasn't, beautiful and so purely innocent that I couldn't bear it. This fact haunted me until her voice broke into my thoughts.

"Do you believe me?"

There was a hard silence I was afraid to cut through with my own voice, so I let her's ring in my ears.

"Jasper," She said again. "Do you trust me?"

It was a question, come on Jasper, _answer her._ I went seeking through her mind, searching for one shrivel of dishonesty or guilt...and there was nothing. It wasn't even a test, she simply wanted to know. She wanted honesty, something I wasn't trained for.

"Yes." I said.

"You don't have to lie. I understand I haven't known you long. It's a little strange for me." She said with a touch of humor in her voice. "I've seen you for as long as I can remember, and you've just met me."

"It seems I've got some catching up to do." I said.

She smiled a little at that. "I just want you to know there's no pressure, for any part of this."

I can only assume she meant hunting. As far as I could tell, animals didn't seem very appetizing. Despite her strange eyes, Alice looked perfectly fine.

"There's none felt." I said, and she looked up at me, wanting to make sure I meant it.

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

After a few seconds, Alice nodded, accepting my answer for what it was. She then lifted herself off my shoulder and sat on the couch facing the coffee table. "I wanted to show you this."

The map was of the United States, with little dots she had marked in various places.

Her dainty fingers glided across it, landing in Mississippi. "This is where I'm from...I think." She said quietly, and all of a sudden felt her nerves welling inside her. "Well...this is where I woke up, and saw you for the first time."

"As I went from place to place I realized that you had to find me, not the other way around."

"You searched for me?"

Her eyes didn't leave the map, but her pointer finger went to a few dots. "For awhile. Learning that I couldn't force you to find me was difficult. You've probably guessed, I'm a little impatient."

I was overwhelmed. I looked down and realized just how old the map was with its crinkled edges and faded appearance. She didn't just look for me, she had waited for me for years. _Me. _I was so undeserving of her commitment to me, I couldn't help but feel pitiful. How do I explain to someone like her that I am not worth any of the time she had spent on me. How many times did she see me kill before tricking herself into believing I needed help instead of isolation? That I was simply lost, and not a monster?_  
><em>

Only now did I notice what a bitter person I was. Comparing myself to her did me no good. She had every right to be just as angry as I was. We were like day and night, so impossibly different that I forced myself to look passed the connection I so badly wanted to have with her.

She could sense my unrest. She leaned closer, trying to make my eyes meet hers. "What is it?"

I couldn't find the words. I got up and walked a few feet away, as if that distance would clear my head. Finally, I turned around, facing her and my frustration.

"Why did you want to find me?" I asked. I meant for it to sound curious, but all I felt was confusion.

"I've already told you," Alice said with a smile, as if trying to calm me down. She got up, making her way over to me. "I wanted to help-"

"No! Why weren't you scared of me? Why didn't you look at me and fear me the first time you saw that vision? I need to know!"

She had never seen me like this, and neither had I. I was so desperate for answers, and her as well.

She touched my chest, and no one had ever made such a gentle gesture to me. I felt closer to her than ever before, and it took my breath away. She leaned in so close to me that her cent was all I smelled, her bright eyes were all I saw, and her feelings were all I felt.

"Because I need you as much as you need me. Because I woke up alone, and already scared. When I saw you..." She shook her head, as if nothing she said was making sense, but I hung on her every word. "I saw me."

I felt myself shaking, fighting against my instinct to destroy everything in the world but her.

I loved Alice, and knew nothing about her.

"We are so much more alike than you think."

I knew she felt something for me. I became attuned to her emotions which were stronger than even my own in my eyes.

Her eyebrows furrowed together, and her hand came up and grazed my cheek. I loved being this close to her. I felt her presence beside me and all of a sudden, comforted.

"Your eyes..." She said, noticing their dark color. While all I could notice was her hand slip in mine and a smile light up her face.

"Want to go for a run before we hunt?"

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><p><strong>First hunting trip is coming next! It's a little hard to be original when so many other versions have been made, so bear with me. c:<strong>


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